pictures to stop time.

by - 17:44

Admission: I suck at keeping up with this blog. I didn't use to. There was a time when I was hungry to write and ramble. I would write about daydreams I had, places I wanted to visit, food I wanted to eat and clothes I wanted to wear. That was a time before children and time seemed so much slower and haphazard. It has admittedly been harder to carve time out of my day to find a quiet moment to sit still, let alone focus on a post that I want to share. But amidst all the chaos that has recently been the norm in our house (School is back in session! Akira is in pre-school! Anaïs rides the school bus and is now in 1st grade! I'm working part-time! And still running a household and a puppy!), the dust settled, even if only for a moment, enough for me to breathe and get back into doing something I remember I once loved to do. I am. Hi. 

Last month, in the thickest humidity of the summer, my sister and her family flew down south to spend a week with us. We were all excited to have them visit, most especially since they had yet to see our new home since we bought it two years ago and all of our kids love each other with such ferocity that it's always so heartwarming to see them all together.

I realized before their arrival that we hardly have any family photos with them. So, naturally, I asked my dear friend Kaleen if she would like to document an afternoon with us. She indulged me and I am, once again, blown away by her eye. Kaleen has such a gift and I couldn't be luckier to be on the receiving end of it. I treasure these photos so much. There are layers within the pictures that tell stories of our family and our relationship with each other. You see,  my sister and I have always had kind of a touch-and-go relationship. For as long as I can remember, there was a level of insecurity sprinkled with competition between us that made things rather difficult. There were times when we wouldn't speak to each other over the dumbest things, we'd be angry at each other for differences of opinion and we'd harbor resentment from past wrongs that should have stayed in the past. But there have also been times when she and I would laugh at and with each other so hard that we'd be crying tears while clutching each other and our bellies from the exuberant pain. We have secrets and inside jokes that no one else gets. We can know what each other is thinking with a look and our words to each other are weighted and valued. I think having children of our own changed something deep within us and our relationship. We call each other more often. We make time for each other regularly. We want our kids--cousins!--to be close. So, differences aside, we are bridging gaps and learning how to agree to disagree. Because, at the end of the day, we will always be sisters. 

The other night, I watched Kodachrome. Have you seen it? It was one of those heart-wrenching and heart-warming movies that made me have a cathartic ugly cry that I didn't know I needed to have until that moment. It encompasses a difficult family relationship and all the baggage that comes with it. Without spoiling any of the movie, I will leave you with something Ed Harris' character says that struck my heart at its core: "We're always so frightened by time, the way it moves on, the way things disappear...We take pictures to stop time, commit moments to eternity. Human nature made tangible." 

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